In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
