Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
