By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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