she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
