six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Couch. On fire.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
