the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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