just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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