we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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