My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
