they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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