My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
