They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
be right there i have to get my cape
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
These tits shall not be calmed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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