Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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