I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
