she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
