it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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