Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
