I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
