I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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