my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
