Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
