I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
