did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
