Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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