Even the bartender felt bad for me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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