I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
