My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
