Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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