did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
