ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Every concussion has its silver lining
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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