I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
