She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
