I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
high people should be assigned attendants
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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