Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
