On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
