I just made out with a guy for $7.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize