How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
