I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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