Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
