No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
