I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
