8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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