I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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