don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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