Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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