I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
