and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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