there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
