wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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