I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
