Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
