three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
