Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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