Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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