You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
