I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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