just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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