i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
