"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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