I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
