dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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