you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
