Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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