he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Floor bacon is actually really good
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
