it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
