I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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