she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
