I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Even my vagina gasped.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
