I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
