My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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