The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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