all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
