Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
