Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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